


Play with Fire

by WonhoBabyBunny



Series: Play with Fire [1]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Drama & Romance, Gay, M/M, Teacher-Student Relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-07
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-02-28 16:48:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 19,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23050468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WonhoBabyBunny/pseuds/WonhoBabyBunny
Summary: Hyungwon and Hoseok meet by accident in Hyungwon's school. Hoseok is the new PE teacher and Hyungwon is in senior year.
Relationships: Chae Hyungwon/Lee Hoseok | Wonho
Series: Play with Fire [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1656874
Comments: 25
Kudos: 53





	1. [September] 1

"Are you serious? You haven't even _looked_ at your books once for whole two months?!" 

Kihyun's voice climbed a few octaves while he looked at the taller brown-haired boy, who sat next to him, his face leaned against the windows of the bus. 

" _Exactly_." 

Kihyun sighed and turned his face to the front. "Chae Hyungwon, you're driving me crazy. When will you finally grow up?"   
The said boy just grinned and mockingly raised one eyebrow. "Says the little dwarf." He laughed when Kihyun turned around again and punched him on the shoulder. 

"Not everybody can be as tall as you are, you giraffe!" Hyungwon grinned and pushed Kihyun out of his seat. "Yeah, yeah alright. Now get your nerdy ass up. The next station is ours." Kihyun mumbled something but stood up anyway. 

As soon as they got out of the bus, a loud scream appeared and a blonde fluffball ran towards them, hugging both boys at the same time.   
"OMG!! I've missed you guys **_SOOOO_** much!!" Hyungwon pulled out of the sudden hug, smiling brightly at his friend, running his hand through the blonde's hair.   
"Hey, Min. I've missed you too. How was Europe?" An even brighter smile appeared on Minhyuk's face and he started talking like nothing good.   
"It was so good. The food, the people, the weather! Everything! I wish I could've stayed longer." Kihyun raised one eyebrow at the younger. "Longer than one and a half months? I don't think that your parents could've afforded that. Not money-related. More like... you know... Hearing-related. I think they would've been deaf if you stayed longer."

He grinned as Minhyuk hit him on the shoulder. "Why is this dwarf always so aggressive?" He looked at Hyungwon but the older just shrug his shoulders.   
"I have no idea. He's like that the whole morning. He even asked me if I had looked at my books over the summer."   
Minhyuk looked at Hyungwon confused and Hyungwon rolled his eyes. Kihyun, on the other hand, looked firmly at Minhyuk.   
Silently asking him the same question as Hyungwon before. But Minhyuk didn't get it so he just returned the glance with a questioning look on his face.   
Kihyun rolled his eyes at the inability of the younger to read body signs. "So, did you?" Minhyuk was still confused. "Did I _what_?"   
Kihyun let out a frustrated groan. "Oh my god, Minhyuk! Did you look at your books, maybe even studied?" Minhyuk just shrugged his shoulders and threw his bag over his shoulders.   
"What for? It's the first week, you nerd. Nothings gonna happen." Hyungwon laughed and exchanged a high five with him before tugging Kihyun, who still complained, with them into the building. 

In the hallway the looked up their timetable and then walked to their first lesson. Or so-called lesson because it was, just like Minhyuk had said, the first day of the semester and there was probably nothing they would do besides talking about their holidays and the upcoming teaching material. So nothing interesting at all.   
The boys walked into the classroom and Minhyuk immediately run towards two other boys who were standing around a desk talking to their classmates.   
He hugged both just like he did before with Kihyun and Hyungwon and nearly showered their faces with kisses. The smaller boy could barely stop him. He holds up his hands defensively and looked disgusted at the older boy. 

"Gosh. Stop it! You're like a dog! See, that's exactly what I haven't missed." The boy he spoke to just laughed and kissed Minhyuk's cheeks.   
Hyungwon walked over to them and cave a high five to both. "Hi Changkyun, hi Jooheon!" Then he passed by them and attempt to sit down at the back of the class.   
But Kihyun was faster. He caught his collar and dragged him with him into the front row.   
"Not this time! You will sit next to me and hopefully you will be able to learn something. You're 17! You will graduate this year. Grow up and get your shit together."   
He insistently placed the taller boy on the seat and himself next to Hyungwon. The older just rolled his eyes and sighed. So much for chilling in the last row.   
The next hours were filled with chattering, laughing, yelling and an internal competition of who had the best vacation. Minhyuk had won, since he was the only one who visited Europe. 

His parents had moved to Europe a few months ago because his dad had gotten a job offer he couldn't reject. But Minhyuk had refused to leave because he wanted to graduate in Korea. The main reason was probably because he didn't wanted to be apart from his friends but of course he didn't told his parents. At the beginning of the summer break he went with them to help but got back a week before school started again. 

* * *

When the bell rang, Hyungwon was the first at the door. He was hungry and knew too well that he won't get anything to eat if he would've waited for his friends. Especially Kihyun, who usually ended up talking with the teacher about anything subject related. So Hyungwon appropriated the ability to stand up as fast as possible and to rush out of the classroom.  
He silently thanked Kihyun for forcing him to sit in the first row. He was so much faster then he would've been in the back of the room.   
He took the corner at the end of the hall quite fast and was ready to run down the stairs, leading to the cafeteria. But he was stopped abruptly. Before he could realise what've happened, he found himself on the floor. "Ow..."

He tried to get up again but as soon as he tried to stand on his right foot, pain shot through his body and he fell down again.   
"Oh god, are you alright?!" A low voice appeared from over his head and seconds later he saw the owners face. Hyungwon gulped before he was able to speak again. "No... I think I sprained my ankle." The older male held out his hand for him and helped him get back on his feet.   
"Alright... Then let us get you to the nurse. Can you walk on your own?" Hyungwon tried and even though the pain was getting more from second to second, he nodded and started limping beside the man.   
"I'm sorry I ran... ow... into you. I didn't saw you." The older chuckled and placed his bag over his shoulder, always reaching out his hand a little in case Hyungwon would stumble. "It's alright. But why were you in such a hurry?" 

Hyungwon looked down on his feet, his cheeks starting to blush. "I'm hungry and I wanted to be the first at the cafeteria." Now the older started laughing so much that he needed to stop until he calmed down a little. Hyungwon looked at him with a raised eyebrow.   
"What's so funny about that?" The man stopped laughing and wiped away a few tears before he shook his head and started walking again.   
"Nothing. It's just the way you told it. So pure." Hyungwon pouted. He knew himself it was silly but he couldn't help it.   
They arrived at the infirmary and the nurse looked at Hyungwon's ankle. After a few minutes she went out to get some things and the two were alone again. Hyungwon looked at the older male with interest. 

"Who are you by the way? I've never seen you before in this school." The older, by the name of Hoseok, grinned. "I'm the new PE teacher. My second subject is Acting." He stretched out his hand and Hyungwon shook it lightly. "I'm Mr. Lee. And you are?"   
"Chae Hyungwon. I'm in the senior year." Hoseok smiled at him. "Nice to meet you, Chae Hyungwon." After that the room went silent until the nurse came back and spread some ointment on Hyungwon's ankle and bandaged it.   
"Ok we're done. But be careful. You should not overload your foot. And no PE for the week." The last sentence she addressed towards Hoseok, who nodded. "Of course not. I will keep that in mind. Thank you."   
He helped Hyungwon down and accompanied him out of the infirmary.   
"So, Chae Hyungwon. Looks like you aren't able to join my classes for this week. But I will find something for you, don't worry." He winked at him jokingly and the turned around. "See you tomorrow!" 

Hyungwon limped back to his class. Lunchtime was already over but his friends had brought him a sandwich and something to drink.   
"Where have you been? And why are you limping?" Kihyun looked at his bandaged foot, while Hyungwon stuffed the sandwich into his mouth. After he chewed and swallowed he could answer Kihyun's questions.   
"I was at the infirmary. I ran into our new PE teacher on the way to the cafeteria and sprained my ankle."   
"Accidentally or on purpose?" Minhyuk appeared behind them and grinned at the tall boy. "Of course on accident", he hissed at the blonde.   
"Why would I ran into him on purpose? He's a teacher. Our teacher." Minhyuk just grinned at him once again and then kept on talking with Changkyun and Jooheon.   
Hyungwon focused back onto his lunch and Kihyun nodded, completely ignoring Minhyuks comment. "So you've already met Mr. Lee."   
Hyungwon chuckled by the memory. "Kinda, yes." Kihyun looked at him questioningly and crossed his arms in front of his chest.   
"And who, do you think, will help you carry your back for the next week?" Hyungwon swung his arm around the shoulders of the smaller and grinned at him.   
"You, my little personal dwarf. That's why I'm having you as my friend." He laughed and immediately felt Kihyun's elbow in his rips. The boy maybe was tiny but his bones were sharp.   
That would probably cause a bruise by tomorrow. Hyungwon held his side, forcefully overreacting and then they walked to their next class. 


	2. [September] 2

Waking up was never one of Hyungwon's favourite activities in the morning. He always had his problems with getting out of the bed.   
For obvious reasons, his mom didn't care about his problems. More than once she had dragged him out of his bed and pull him into the kitchen, while he desperately tried to crawl back into his bed, complaining over and over again.

But today was different. Hyungwon was full of energy when his alarm went off at 6 a.m. He immediately stood up and rushed to make himself ready.   
His stomach turned a few times in excitement and he got nervous suddenly. He jumped in his light blue jeans, which made his legs look even longer, got a white shirt and a black sweater out of his closet and put everything on. 

He looked at himself in the mirror, hanging next to his door and smiled satisfied before walking out of the room.  
"Hey Mom." He leaned down to place a soft kiss on his mom's cheek and then sat down on the already laid table. "How did you sleep?" He smiled brightly at her and she returned the look. Extremely confused, since she had never seen her son so happy in the early morning.   
"Are you sick?" Her voice was sceptical, her brows narrowed. She kept eye contact with him while placing another bowl onto the table.   
Hyungwon just smiled at her and shook his head, while reaching for his bowl. "No, I'm absolutely fine!" She just nodded and sat down. They ate quietly but now and then she threw a quick but questioning look at him. 

He didn't had to wait for Kihyun this morning because the dwarf had an appointment and so he could go earlier.   
He arrived at the school more than an hour earlier than usually and went straight to the gym. The door was already open, so he went in, took off his shoes and walked over to the benches and laid down his backpack.   
"Oh you're early!" Hyungwon swirled around and looked into Hoseok's smiling face. He had a net filled with basketballs over his shoulder and wore a dark blue t-shirt and short black shorts. 

Hyungwon couldn't help but let his eyes wander over the older's body. Even though the shirt wasn't that tight you could clearly see how muscular he was.   
His legs were the complete opposite. They were slim and not at all muscular. But somehow still holding extreme power.   
"Uh yes... I... I had something to do so I came earlier." Hoseok tilted his head lightly and grinned at the younger. "I see. On the second day you had _something_ to do." He winked at Hyungwon, who immediately blushed and then put down the net. He sat down to take out a list and some other papers and looked through it, not even noticing how nervous Hyungwon was. And how much he tried to hide the color on his cheeks. 

Hyungwon didn't know what to do so he just stood there in front of his teacher and waited for him to say something. After some time Hoseok looked up and smiled. "You can help me put up the limitations for today's game." Hyungwon nodded in excitement. "Sure. No problem."   
They worked in silence, beside the instructions given by Hoseok and after a few minutes they were done. Hyungwon, who's ankle started to hurt again, limped back to the bench and sat down, outstretching his leg. Hoseok looked at his student with worry. 

"Does your ankle still hurt?" Hyungwon nodded lightly and Hoseok stood up and walked over to him. He kneeled down in front of the boy and carefully took his foot in his hand, slightly tilting it from left to right. "It's still a little bit swollen. Did you cooled it?"   
Hyungwon shook his head. Hoseok stood up again, after he had carefully put down the foot. "I will get you a cool pack. Don't move." And with that he went out of the gym. 

He returned after a few minutes with a cool pack, wrapped into a towel so that Hyungwon wouldn't burn himself because of the cold. "Here." Hoseok kneeled down again and carefully wrapped the cool pack around Hyungwons ankle. He then looked up into the boys face, his usual smile on his lips.   
"That should be enough for now. Take it easy, ok? I don't want you to hurt yourself even more. You will sit down today and maybe also next week." 

He sat down next to the boy and handed him a clipboard. "And since you can't play, you will be the referee. You know the rules?" Hyungwon nodded and took the clipboard, accidentally touching Hoseok's hand. 

The teacher didn't noticed since he returned to his paperwork but Hyungwon froze on the point. Even though their hands had touched only for a millisecond, it was enough to make Hyungwon's stomach turn again. His breathing stopped for a bit and the only thing that matters for him in that second was the touch of Hoseok's hand. The feeling of his soft skin underneath his fingertips. 

Then his classmates came into the gym and he returned to reality. Picking up his things and moving to the middle of the gym, from where he could easily overlook both parts of the field. 

He still tried to calm down his breathing when Kihyun, Minhyuk, Changkyun and Jooheon joined him and sat next to him, already talking about anything. Hyungwon didn't listen. He tried to figure out why for God's sake his body had reacted like that. He couldn't explain it. It was weird. Extremely weird.   
He looked up and immediately had visual contact with Hoseok who smiled at him encouraging and just with that he made Hyungwons stomach go crazy. Just like his mind. He shook his head and tried to concentrate on the rules and his task. 

Easier said than done. 


	3. [September] 3

Hoseok walked into the apartment, closed the door and leaned against it. Letting out a loud sigh. Finally Friday.   
His head hurts like crazy. He took off his shoes and walked into the kitchen. He opened the cupboards and took out a glass. Filling it with water and taking out an aspirin as well. 

He swallowed the pill and leaned against the countertop, his eyes closed.  
His thoughts revolved around the tall boy. His dark brown hair, his slender figure, his beautiful brown eyes, and his seductive lips. Oh, those lips.   
Hoseok shook his head vigorously and sighed again. It was wrong. So fucking wrong. Not only the thoughts he had. But also the way Hyungwon made him feel. He shouldn't feel this way. What was wrong with him? Hyungwon was 17, which made him not only a minor and not in any case legal but on top of that he was also his student. 

During the whole lesson, Hoseok now and then had looked over to the tall boy, who was sitting at the end of the bench, trying to watch over the ongoing game. Hoseok knew the boy thought he hadn't noticed the way Hyungwon had reacted when they accidentally had touched earlier.   
But Hoseok had. He had felt how Hyungwon had stiffened under his touch. That was the reason Hoseok had immediately returned his attention to his papers. He felt sorry for the boy and didn't want to make him feel even more uncomfortable. He knew what Hyungwon was going through right now. He could see it in the boy's eyes. 

Hyungwon was confused as hell. But so was Hoseok. Ever since the boy had run into him his feelings were a whole mess. And so were Hyungwon's.   
Hoseok knew the best way would've probably been to stay away from the boy. Not interact in any kind of way, besides teaching him. But he also knew that it was nearly impossible. Even though he had just get to know him, he already felt so attached to the younger. He couldn't describe it.  
Hoseok sat down at his desk and took out some homework he needed to correct. And it was also a perfect way to distract himself from Hyungwon.  
After a few hours, he closed the last folder and leaned back into his chair, stretching his arms above his head. His bones creaked as they got back into their places and he closed his eyes. 

Suddenly his phone started to ring and he answered the call without looking at the screen first.   
"Hey, Hoho! What's up, man?!" A smile stole onto his lips as he recognized the voice of Matthew, an old gym friend of him. "Hey, Big Tiddie! Nothing in particular. Just finished some corrections." 

Matthew laughed on the other side of the phone. "Once a nerd, always a nerd, huh? C'mon man! It's Friday! Let's grab some drinks, ok? I'll pick you up in 10!" And Matthew ended the call without waiting for Hoseok's response.   
The younger looked at his phone in disbelief but eventually got up and walked into his bedroom to pick out some clothes. He chose tight black pants and a plain white shirt, which covered his upper body perfectly but also let enough space to imagine what was beyond the soft fabric.   
He tucks the front part of the shirt into his pants and then sprayed some perfume onto himself before walking into the hallway to get his converse out of the closet.

A few minutes later he heard the doorbell, grabbed his phone and a leather jacket and walked down without even answering it, already knowing it was Matthew.  
The buff boy opened the door and sat down next to his friend, giving him a high five. "I've also called Jacks, Jisoo, and Somin to come with us." Hoseok nodded and fastened his seat belt. "Sure, no problem with that." Matthew grinned and hit the pedal, following the other cars who headed towards downtown.   
He parked the car a few meters away from the club where they always met and the boys got out of the car. The music was already hearable outside the club and the lights flashed so fast that it almost caused epileptic seizures. 

"OVER THERE!" Matthew leaned closer to Hoseok and while he yelled the words into the younger's ear he pointed at the direction of a comfortable corner booth. Jackson, Jisoo and Somin were already there and beckon the boys over. They walked over and sat down, immediately ordering some drinks.  
Hoseok noticed another girl, who was sitting next to Jackson. He had wrapped his arm around her shoulder and she leaned against him. From time to time looking at him in awe and smiling whenever he said something. Must be his girlfriend. The girl had noticed his questioning look and reached out her hand. "Hi, I'm Ace." Hoseok took her hand carefully and shook it lightly while smiling at the girl. "Hi, I'm Hoseok." 

Jack's laughed at Hoseok and pulled him into a hug. "Hey, big fella! How are you doin? I haven't seen you in ages!" Hoseok returned the hug and ruffled through the smaller's hair. Jacks growled and pulled his head out of Hoseok's arms. Then he looked at Matthew.   
"Where did you dig him out, huh?" Matthew laughed and pushed Hoseok a little. "Right out of his books. He wanted to spend the weekend correcting homework." Jacks rolled his eyes and returned to Ace. "Still the little nerd from college, huh?" The boys laughed and kept on talking for a while. 

Hoseok took a sip from his fifth drink, as he felt a hand on his thigh. Jisoo had come closer during the last hours and now let her fingers run over the inside of Hoseok's thigh while he other hand was wrapped around the boy's neck. "I'm glad Matthew pulled you out of your apartment." Her voice was sweet. Too sweet and Hoseok knew her good enough to immediately recognize the seductive undertone. He carefully pushed her hands away but she didn't give up. 

She came closer as soon as he tried to move away from her. "Jisoo, stop it. I mean it." She just laughed it off and started to kiss the side of his neck, leaving lipstick everywhere on his pale skin. Her hand was on his thigh again and now wandered to his crotch and started to stroke over the fabric. Hoseok writhed under her touch and stood up. "I-I'm sorry... I need to go now. It was good to see you all again. See ya!" With that, he waved them goodbye, paid for his drinks and then rushed out of the club. 

The fresh air helped him clear his mind. What the hell did just happened? Jisoo had **OBVIOUSLY** tried to seduce him. But the moment she started to touch him and stroke over his crotch he thought about Hyungwon. And how beautiful he would look doing this. And even more.

"FUCK!" 

What was wrong with him? He could've had everybody. Men or women. It doesn't matter. But all he wanted was the 17-year-old boy. He wanted him more than he would've ever thought and more than he definitely should. He was his student for God's sake. And a minor!   
Hoseok walked back to his apartment, his thoughts still revolved around Hyungwon.

He opened the front door to the apartment complex and walked in, not noticing the black shadow which was leaning against the wall, hiding so that nobody would see him. 


	4. [September] 4

"And you really think he _likes_ you?"

Matthew looked at Hoseok, one brow raised, his coffee in his hand. Hoseok nodded lightly and continued staring into his own cup.   
Matthew leaned back and crossed his arms in front of his chest. "Do you think he... I don't know... feels more for you? That he maybe loves you?" His voice was calm and quite but still. For Hoseok it felt like he had screamed it. 

"Sshh!" He carefully looked around if anyone had heard their conversation. "I'm not sure. The only thing I know is, that he keeps following me. Wherever I am, he manages to pass by. Of course not obviously for others. But obvious enough for me to notice. And I think that is his plan in the first place. To let me know that he is always there." Hoseok sighed and leaned back in his chair, staring at the cup on the table.

  
The men sat there, quite for a moment, everyone drowned in their own thoughts. "I just don't know what to do. He is 17, my student. I know I should stay away from him but..." He paused for a second and looked at Matthew. Afraid of his reaction.   
"What if I can't?" He could only whisper. He was too ashamed of himself.

  
Matthew inhaled harshly and looked at Hoseok wide-eyed. "Are you serious? You start to actually feel something for this little brat?"   
Hoseok looked down. He didn't wanted to see the disappointment in Matthew's eyes. And he know it was there.

  
"Are you even aware of what this can cause? You could lose your job! Even worse. You will go to jail if anybody finds out! Alone the thought of...!"   
"Alright! I get it! I know it's stupid and I know it could ruin my whole career! I KNOW that, Matthew!" Hoseok, who had leaned over the table while talking, now sighed and let himself fell back into his chair. He covered his face with his hands. 

  
"I know everything about that. Way too well, believe me. But..." Matthew looked at him serious.   
"There is no but, Hoseok. Stay away from him. You are a great teacher but stay away from him. It will only cause you trouble. You are confused, I know. And the boy is too. But I beg you. Stay away from him, don't do anything stupid. You will regret it. You are my best friend. I don't want to visit you in jail just because of such a brat who can't control his hands, thoughts or whatever. Okay?" 

  
Hoseok nodded. He knew Matthew was right. He couldn't explain it to himself why he suddenly had developed some kind of feelings for the boy. But now it was like this. And Hoseok needed to forget about them immediately. But he was afraid that they already had grown too much and that he was already too attached to Hyungwon to let him or the feelings towards him go.

  
And he knew that only time could show him, if those feelings were true.

* * *

  
The next week came way too fast and on Monday Hoseok stood in front of his class, trying to teach them something about acting. That was his second subject. It started as a hobby of him and soon became his second subject of study besides PE.   
"Alright. Guys, today we will decide what kind of play we will portray at the year's end festival. You can choose between _Romeo and Juliet_ , _Macbeth_ , and _A midsummer night's dream_. And as you can see, our main topic this year will be Shakespeare." 

  
The kids in front of him sighed loud and rolled their eyes. But Hoseok ignored the reaction of his students. He loved Shakespeare and especially his plays.  
"We will concentrate more on the plays then on the grammatical or historical aspects. I'll leave that to your history and English teacher." He smiled at his students which still didn't looked that impressed or happy. But they had to deal with it. He divided them into three groups and handed every group three small books.   
"You have now time to read a little bit through the plays and at the end of the lesson I want to write down every group's choice."

  
With that, he sat down at his desk and started to go through some papers. From time to time he looked up and watched his students. Some of them had already chosen a play and also made the distribution of the roles. Hoseok smiled and returned to his papers. But then something caught his attention. His head flew up and his eyes met Hyungwon's, who walked past the windows of the classroom, looking into the room curious.   
When he realised Hoseok's glance at him, he slowed down, let his friends walk on and grinned lightly at the older before completely passing by, knowing too well that Hoseok followed him with his eyes and also knowing that he caught the older off guard and confused him. He knew how to play Hoseok. And the even worse part was, Hoseok actually fell for it. 

  
_That little brat. He knew I would look at him. Oh god why can't I just forget about him and see him only as my student?_  
Hoseok sighed and tried to concentrate on his papers. A few minutes later the bell rang and he collected the papers with the plays. Every group had chosen a different play so it definitely won't get boring.   
He gathered his things and left the room as the last one. He just turned the key around as he suddenly heard a low voice next to him.

  
"Hello, Mr. Lee." 

  
He got startled and let the books fall down. Immediately kneeling down to collect them again, Hyungwon also kneeling down to assume he would help him. And he did but also stared at Hoseok way too long. Hoseok looked at him and immediately regretted it. Because as soon as their eyes met, he was captured in Hyungwon's dark brown, almost black eyes. He couldn't look away and God knows he tried.   
Hyungwon still held the last book in his hands as Hoseok finally was able to speak again. 

"Cou-could I get... Thanks." 

  
Hyungwon handed it over and he put the book back into his bag and stood up. Hyungwon did the same, still looking at the older but now tilted his head and smirked lightly as he saw how confused and startled the older was.   
"Are you alright, Sir? You look a little bit strange."

  
_BRAT!_

  
That was all Hoseok could think about as he saw the grin and the tilted head. If he could he would've grabbed Hyungwon at his collar and would've pressed him against the wall calling him all the names he could probably think about. He was so mad. Mad at Hyungwon, mad at himself, mad at the feelings he had for the boy. God, how he hated the younger right now.

  
But instead he just looked at Hyungwon, tried to put on a smile and a normal face and nodded.   
"Yes, I'm alright. Thank you. But I think you should run now. The break is almost over."   
He turned around and left the confused Hyungwon behind. And now he smirked himself.


	5. [October] 5

The bell rang and Hyungwon stood up from his seat, stretching his arms over his head, yawning. Finally break time.   
He packed his stuff together and looked at his phone. 11:30 AM. Auditorium. He had 10 minutes. 10 minutes until the next lesson starts. So a little bit more than 5 minutes to see Hoseok. 

He waved Kihyun and Minhyuk, ignored their confused faces, since he left in the complete opposite direction of where they normally should go and turned around to walk down to the auditorium. He tried to calm down on the way. The last thing he wanted was that Hoseok thought he walked past by him on purpose.   
Of course it was but Hyungwon nearly had bring it to perfection of _accidentally_ meeting the older on his way through the school. Whether it was on his way to the next lesson, on his way to the cafeteria or on his way out of the building. 

He always managed to pass by the other male and also took advantage of every spare second he could spend near Hoseok.   
He couldn't pinpoint when the feelings he had for Hoseok had started to increase that much but he believed it was after the accidentally touch in the PE lesson.   
Ever since then his thoughts always revolved around Hoseok. And with the time passing his brain and body started to show odd reactions and signs whenever he was or wasn't near the teacher.   
He started to shiver and his stomach cramped if he couldn't see him at least for a few seconds. Or hear him. That was already enough for him to calm down enough to get through the next lesson. If their wasn't any option or the older male had his day off, the shivering and the cramps increased and he felt extremely sick suddenly.

Kihyun, Minhyuk and the other boys had already noticed it and repeatedly asked him if he was okay. He always waved it off and tried not to look as sick as he felt like. If he saw Hoseok in the next break, everything was fine again until the next time. It was a loop and he couldn't break it. At least not now.   
He knew he confused and also annoyed the older but he couldn't do anything about it. Everytime he tried to hold back, everything became even worse.   
School had started in the mid of September. Now it was October and he'd reconstructed Hoseok's time table almost completely. He knew where he was and at which time of the day. He knew his day off and when he had spare time during lessons.   
It was sick and stupid but on the other side he was some kind of proud of himself. Not that this was anything anyone should be proud about. Not at all! He behaved like a stalker and he knew it.

He arrived at the auditorium and passed by the windows of the room, seeing Hoseok watching over his students.   
For a moment, Hyungwon stopped and just looked at the older male who was extremly concentrated on his work and his students. He looked so hot. He had a slight undercut and had styled his strands with hair gel so that they now stood up a little bit and exposed his beautiful forehead. His upper body was covered with a light grey sweater and he wore tight black pants. I wish I could place kisses all over that forehead. His own thoughts startled him and he slowly shook his head as if he tried to erase those thoughts, knowing too well how wrong they were. 

Hyungwon didn't know how long he stood there and watched Hoseok teaching but at some point the older turned around and their eyes met. Hyungwon startled and immediately dropped his gaze, knowing just too well that the older's look was pinned on him just like his own was a second before.   
He started walking again. Still feeling the gaze of Hoseok following him. His cheeks turned red as he jogged to his classroom. But nevertheless a smile appeared on his lips. He bit his bottom lip to not show the grin that obvious as he arrived at the classroom. But Kihyun had still seen it.   
"Why are you grinning like that? And where have you been?" The dwarf looked at him with furrowed brows and then turned completely towards Hyungwon. The tall boy let himself fall down into his seat and took out his books, purposely ignoring Kihyun. 

"Hello? I'm talking to you?!" Hyungwon sighed and rolled his eyes. He wouldn't gave up. He turned around and faced the tiny boy. "I had something to take care of, okay?"   
Kihyun looked at him, not at all believing it. "Like rushing down to the auditorium like a crackhead and then standing there and watching Mr. Lee's class? That kind of _something_?" 

Hyungwon felt how his cheeks heated up, panic rising and he looked away, not able to stand Kihyun's inquiring look. _How did he knew? And is he the only one who knows it? Or the only one who is suspecting something?_  
"I have no idea what you're taking about." 

Even Hyungwon could hear how wrong that sounded but what was the option? Telling Kihyun that he was about to fall madly in love with his teacher? That he wasn't able to live through a simple lesson or two without getting cramps? He could already hear Kihyun's voice that tells him to stay away from Hoseok. If he just could.   
Kihyun leaned closer to the tall boy. "Hyungwon, I know something is wrong. I know there is something between you and Mr. Lee. I won't judge you. It's your choice. But I want you to know that I'm here if you need me. And something tells me that you _will_ need me. And also the others. You can trust us, okay?" 

Hyungwon nodded and fumbled at the zipper of his pencil case. "I know", he whispered. Kihyun nodded lightly. "Good. I don't know what's going on in your head right now, I don't know your feelings. Maybe I also don't want to know it. But as long as you are happy and safe, it's fine with me. I have the feeling that you really like Mr. Lee, I don't know why but I try to support you as much as I can. But please, don't do anything you will regret later or anything that will cause you trouble. Or him." 

Kihyun turned around again, concentrated on his work and left Hyungwon alone. And even though the younger tried to act normal, Kihyun's words never left his mind. And for the first time he really thought about it. And he also thought about the consequences his actions might have. But nevertheless, his feelings stayed the same. He already missed Hoseok like crazy and all he wished for was telling the older how he felt.   
Silently hoping that he would accept his feelings, maybe even returned them and welcomed him with a tight, warm hug that would never end. His dark brown eyes and his little smirk appeared in front of Hyungwons inner eye. Those two things were the reason he fell for him in the first place. And he couldn't stop thinking about it. 


	6. [October] 6

"Hi mom! I'm back!" 

Hyungwon closed the door to the apartment and took off his shoes in the hallway. 

He heard her coughing before seeing her. He sighed. She had the flu since now almost two weeks and it still didn't got any better. The doctor said it should be gone within two weeks. 

She appeared in the hallway, a scarf wrapped around her neck and a blanket over her shoulders. Bit as soon as she saw him, a smile appeared on her face. 

"Oh! Hi, baby! How was school?" 

Another cough attack stopped her from talking more and she bend over to fight against it. Hyungwon was immediately next to her and lead her into the living room and back onto the couch. 

"Mom. You shouldn't walk around that much. You're still sick. Lay down, I'll make some tea for you. Did you take you're medicine today?" 

He looked back at his mom while walking into the kitchen. She nodded and he was relieved. 

He poured water into the kettle and turned it on. After that he returned to his mom and sat next to her. Taking her hand into both of his. She smiled at him, tired and exhausted. He really was worried about her. A normal flu shouldn't take that long. And especially not if you have the right medication. 

"When is your next appointment at the doctor?" She coughed again and pressed her hand against her chest, her face covered with pain. 

"Next week." Her voice was extremly raspy and unstable, another pain wave rushing through her body, showing on her face.

The kettle whistled and Hyungwon got up to fill the hot water into two cups. He handed one of the cups to his mom and sat down again, softly blowing onto the hot beverage. 

He looked at his mom, while she carefully took a sip from her tea and let the hot liquid run down her raspy throat. She was so pale. Even more than usually. 

When it came to complexion, she was the complete opposite of Hyungwon, which skin shimmered golden whenever the sun shone on him. 

But now he could barely separate her from the wall. He softly placed his hand on her forehead to feel the temperature. It was still extremly warm. 

He helped his mom to stand. "Come, you should sleep a little bit." The two walked slowly into her room and not long after she laid down, she fell asleep. Hyungwon placed two blanket over her, as he noticed her shivering and then turned off the lights and returned to the living room. 

He cleaned the room and the kitchen and prepared dinner, while his thoughts wandered off. Either to Hoseok or to his mom. The grin of the older appeared infront of his inner eye and he immediately started to smile himself. 

There was something about Hoseok that always brighted up his mood. It wasn't something specific. More like his whole presence, attitude and appearance. 

While thinking about him, Hyungwon noticed himself that he'd really started to fall for the man. A few weeks before, this thought would've startled and feared him but now he kinda liked it. 

Even the thought of having Hoseok around him 24/7 was exciting. And Hyungwon didn't wished for more than to fall asleep in Hoseoks muscular arms at least once. How unbelievable safe one must feel in his embrace.

He could almost feel it. Hoseok's soft fingertips trailing over Hyungwon's arms, up to his neck. Softly stroking up and down over and over his arms again before finally resting at his waist. The soft lips of the older attached to Hyungwon's neck, making his way down to his collarbone. 

Hyungwon closed his eyes and leaned against the counter more. His mind went crazy and he could feel Hoseok's grip getting stronger. His breath got heavier and he could feel himself growing below his belt line. 

"Hyungwon?!" 

The fear in her voice and her constant cough brought him back to reality and he opened his eyes. His cheek burned like hell and surely also were as red as they felt. He shook his head and tried to steady his breathing again. 

Then he walked over to her bedroom and carefully opened the door. She sat straight up in her bed, constantly coughing and pressed her hand against her chest again. She could barely breath between the attacks.

"Mo- MOM!!" 

He rushed over to her and held her hand. Trying to calm her down. But it didnt helped. 

"I'll call an ambulance. Dont worry. I'm here. Everything will be fine."

He fished his phone out of his pocket and called the ambulance. Then he could do nothing more than sit next to her until he heard the siren of the ambulance.

* * *

Hyungwon walked the hallway up and down. Waiting for the doctor to finally come out. It has been over an hour since his mom disappeared in the treatment room. Hyungwon was a complete nervous wreck ever since. 

He turned around for the at least tenth time when the door finally opened and the doctor came out. Hyungwon was immediately next to him, nervously playing with the hem of his shirt.

"And? How is she? Will she be fine?"   
He almost yelled at the doctor which held up his hands defensively. 

"Please, calm down. Your mom is stable by now. We got her some pain killers and something to sleep. She needs rest now."

Hyungwon sighed relieved and the doctor pointed at the empty seats in front of the room. They both sat down and Hyungwon looked at the man again.

"How long must she stay in here?"

The man in the white coat looked at him serious.   
"At least a week. She has this flu since over two weeks, right?" 

Hyungwon nodded. He was really worried about his mom. Especially since the doctor behaved a little bit weird now that he know she was sick since over two weeks. But then the older looked at him and some kind of positivity was coming from him.

"Don't worry too much. You're mom will be fine. We will do some tests on her and I'm sure we can discharge her soon. You can visit her tomorrow. She will be awake by then."

They stood up and Hyungwon thanked the doctor. But even though he had tried to calm Hyungwon down, the boy was still worried. Something seemed wrong but he couldn't pinpoint it.


	7. [October] 7

"Alright. At first I would like to thank you all for coming today. I know it's quite early but we need to decide who's going to be the new guidance counselor." 

The headteacher looked into the tired faces of his teachers as if he expected someone to jump up and immediately take over the charge. But everyone just looked down or at each other to avoid the questioning gaze. 

"Oh come on guys! I know it's not the most popular task but we need someone."

Right in that moment the door opened and Hoseok carefully looked into the silent room. When he saw his colleagues sitting there he completely stepped into the room and bowed infront of the headteacher.

"I deeply apologise for being late."

The older waved him off and Hoseok flitted over to his seat. He sat down next to his colleague and leaned over to him.

"What did I miss", he asked whispering. But before the young man could answer the headteacher began to speak again. This time directed to Hoseok himself.

"Mr. Lee! What about you?" 

Hoseok stood up again and looked at his boss. 

"Yes?" 

His boss smiled and then applauded. "Thank you! Now please get back to work!" 

With this he left the room and left a confused Hoseok behind. Jinyoung looked at him pitiful. Hoseok returned the look. Still confused as hell. 

"What was that??" The younger man stood up and placed his hand on Hoseok's shoulder, slowly patting it. 

"You just got announced as the new guidance counselor. Congrats."  
Hoseok's eyes widened in surprise. "WHAT? But... I-I didn't even fielded for it!" 

Jinyung just shrugged his shoulders. "He doesn't care. You came in late and now he found someone to do it. But you will do great. I haven't heard any complaints about you so far so I guess the kids like you." 

With that, Jinyoung patted his shoulder once more and then gathered his things and left the room to start his first class. Hoseok falls down into his seat and sighed. 

Yeah. Maybe the kids liked him. _Maybe one boy even more._

He walked to his first class to start the day. On his way up he walked past the substitution plan and looked at it. Another sight left his mouth. He was planned to substitute in Hyungwon's class. 

_Great. Just great..._

* * *

Other than usual the day went by quite fast and especially quite calm. No Hyungwon who waited for Hoseok after every lesson. No odd feeling of someone watching him. Others would've been happy about it but for Hoseok it was almost normal by now so it wondered him, where the boy was. Was he sick? 

He started to worry about Hyungwon since he hadn't seen him all day and so his stomach was completely messed up when he walked the hallway down to Hyungwon's classroom.

He opened the door and the first thing he saw, was Hyungwon. He sat on his seat in the first row and looked down in his books. Seeming not at all interested in the conversation his friends had around him. Hoseok furrowed his brows and let down his bag on the desk rather loud to gain the attention of his students. And he got it. Except for one boy.

"Hello, everybody. Seems like I'm your substitute teacher for today."

He smiled at the kids and they smiled back. They really liked him and were happy that the original teacher was sick today.

He sat down and took out his books and pencils. "So, do you guys have some tasks to do?"

The students nodded and pulled out their papers. Hoseok nodded himself and sat down at his chair. 

"Great. Then let's go. If you're done, coke to me and I will give you something else." He pulled out some work too and then looked around again. His eyes almost immediately found Hyungwon, who still hadn't moved an inch. 

"Excuse me. Hyungwon? Dont you have something to do?" He directly talked to the boy but still didn't got any response. So he stood up and walked over to the boy. He kneeled down infront of Hyungwon's desk and tried to get any reaction from the boy. 

"Hey... Are you alright? Hyungwon?"

Only after he carefully placed his hand on top of the younger's, Hyungwon found his way back to reality. And his eyes widened when he realised who was sitting infront of him. He gasped lightly and pulled away his hand. Hoseok felt a light stitch in his heart by the sudden movement and for one second it was also visible in his face. But then he pulled himself together again and stood up. 

"Do you want to go out for a minute?" 

The worry was still audible in his voice and when Hyungwon looked up and into Hoseok's, the sadness in the boy's eyes hit Hoseok like a hammer. Hyungwon nodded and carefully stood up from his chair, making his way out of the room. 

The rest of the class didn't really witnessed what happened between the two males. Only Kihyun had seen it since he sat next to Hyungwon and he had also seen Hoseok's reaction after Hyungwon had pulled away his hand. And now he watched Hoseok with furrowed brows and a confused yet inspecting look. 

Hoseok tried to avoid the gaze of the kid and waited for Hyungwon to come back. He wanted the boy to be okay. But the minutes passed and Hyungwon still didn't came back in. After some time, Hoseok stood up and looked at Kihyun. 

"Would you please watch over the class for a minute? I'll check on Hyungwon." 

Kihyun nodded but his gaze followed Hoseok until the man closed the door behind himself.

He looked around in the hallway and finally found Hyungwon, sitting on a windowsill, looking out into the rain. Hoseok walked over to him and the boy turned around. Hoseok sat down towards him. 

"Are you okay?" 

Hyungwon, who had looked out of the window again, now turned his gaze to Hoseok and slowly shook his head. Hoseok leaned closer to him and placed a hand on Hyungwon's hand, which was wrapped around his knees, knowing too well that he crossed a line he shouldn't have crossed.

"What is wrong? Do you want to talk about it?" 

The boy looked away again before his look returned to Hoseok's hand on his own and a deep sigh left his lips. 

"My mom is sick. I don't know if she will recover or if it just gets worse. She has this flu now since over 3 weeks and even though she got medication it doesn't got any better by now. She is in hospital since a week and still... I'm just worried about her. She's everything I have..." 

Hyungwon choked on a low sob. A tear ran down his cheeks and he wiped it away vigorously. He didn't looked at Hoseok because he didn't want to show the older how stirred up he was. Hoseok's grip onto Hyungwon's hand got a little bit stronger and with that he forced the boy to finally look at him. And the teary and sad eyes triggered something in Hoseok. 

Without thinking about it he placed his other hand on Hyungwon's cheek and leaned closer to him until their lips were only a few inches apart. He felt Hyungwon's shaky breath on his own lips and closed his eyes before closing the gap.

The feeling of Hyungwon's plump and warm lips against his own was incredible. They were so extremly soft and Hoseok could've drowned in the feeling of them pressed against his own. 

He pulled away and looked at the boy. Hyungwon's cheeks were red and his eyes widened in shock. His fingers carefully ran over his lips. Almost like he wanted to capture the feeling with his fingers. 

"What... what did you do?" 

And only then the older realised what exactly he had done and how big of an mistake it really was. He jumped down from the windowsill and looked at Hyungwon apologising. 

"Hyungwon... I-I'm so sorry... I don't know what came over me. God... What have I done?" 

The last question was mostly directed to himself and he let his hands run over his face in disbelief and shock. And suddenly the tall boy stood in front of him and cupped his face with his long and slim fingers. And he... _smiled_. He actually smiled.

"It's okay."

And then he closed the gap again and kissed Hoseok. This time fully. He started to move his lips and Hoseok couldn't do anything besides again drowning in the feeling and return the kiss. Knowing too well that both of them still stood in the middle of the school and that anyone could come out of one of the classrooms almost any second. And also knowing too well that he now definetly went too far. 

And yet still he couldn't stop kissing the boy and neither could Hyungwon. Not that he wanted to. It was something he wanted since the beginning of the year and now he finally got it. 

After a while Hoseok pulled apart and hold Hyungwon at arm's length.

"Stop it. We can't do this. Not here. We... We need to talk. About this. About us. Come into my office later, okay?" Hyungwon nodded and grinned at the older. Biting his lower lip. Hoseok took a deep breath and straightened his back.

"Good. Then... Let's go back in. You still have some work to do."

With that he turned around and walked back into the room, Hyungwon following him. The boy tried to hide his smile and Hoseok was confused and mad about himself as hell. How could that happened? How could he lost control like that? 

_I'm so stupid._


	8. [October] 8

Hoseok walked from one side of his office to the other. Nervous as hell and still reproaching himself for being that stupid and _actually_ kissing Hyungwon. 

How could he be that dumb?! He entangled and disentangled his fingers over and over again when a soft knock on his door brought him back to reality.

"Come in."

He sat down at his desk and the door opened. Hyungwon looked into the room, obviously nervous as well but also trying hard to hide his smile when his eyes met the older's. Hoseok pointed at the seat in front of his desk and tried to smile warmly at the boy to take away a bit of his nervousness. Even though he himself wasn't better in that case.

"Please, take a seat."

The boy sat down but hesitated to look at Hoseok. The older took a deep breath and looked at Hyungwon. Trying to fight down the memories which came back immediately after the boy had walked into the room.

The memories of his soft and plump lips against his own. The taste. And the feelings that had boiled in Hoseok's stomach as soon as his lips had touched Hyungwon's. He had felt... happy. And even though it was beyond appropriated, it somehow had felt right. It felt like something he was supposed to do since the day of his birth. Unknowingly.

"Hyungwon. Listen." 

Finally the boy raised his head and looked at Hoseok directly. True fear speaking from his eyes. The fear to loose something he had just found. But besides fear their was also something else. It took Hoseok a while to figure it out. He was proud. He was extremly proud of himself. Proud that he had provoked Hoseok enough so that he finally did what he had done.

"Hyungwon, we should talk about what had happened today. The kiss... It wasn't my intention nor my wish to kiss you. I don't know why I did it. But it doesn't matter. It was wrong. Completely wrong. And I regret it. I truly do." 

The fear in Hyungwon's eyes increased and now also showed on his face. His lips were a thin line and his complexion did changed from the healthy golden tone to white and then to ashy. His hands trembled and he tried to hide them in his pockets. But Hoseok had still seen them. And it hurted him to see the boy like this. But it was necessary. He was about to loose every single distance. Hyungwon needed to stop. And Hoseok too since he played along with the mind games of the boy. 

"I know you like me. I did realised that. And I know that you have feelings for me. Otherwise you wouldn't have kissed me today. I won't tell you to forget the feelings you have for me because I know that wouldn't help nor will they go away just because I said so. But we need to keep a distance. You are my student, I'm your teacher. It's not healthy. For none of us. It could ruin your career and it could, no it will cost me my job if anyone's assuming something. Do you understand that?"

Hoseok looked at Hyungwon, who had during Hoseoks speech lowered his gaze and now focused on his pants and the material of which they were made of. He slowly nodded but couldn't find the courage to look up and face Hoseok. And then Hoseok noticed the small wet point on the fabric of his pants. Another one followed soon after. The boy was crying and it broke Hoseok's heart. And before he even realised what he did, he stood up and walked around the table only to sink down on his knees in front of Hyungwon, taking him into an tight embrace. 

Hyungwon wrapped his arms around Hoseok, holding onto the older one's shirt. Crying silently into the fabric. But even though he never actually let out any sounds, Hoseok could still feel the sobs that went through his body. At some point he carefully started to caress Hyungwon's back to calm him down a little bit. And it worked. After some time the boy had completely calmed down and break loose from Hoseok's embrace. Only his red eyes and his swollen face gave hints of how much he'd actually cried. Hoseok smiled warmly at him and wiped away the last tears before he took out some tissues from his pocket and gave it to Hyungwon.

"I know how you feel. Those kind of feelings are extremly strong and confusing. Especially for someone as young as you. But you will learn to control them. You need to find someone your age. Someone who can make you happy, who can live up to you and your needs and expectations. Someone who will love you the way you are." 

He watched the boy carefully, to see if he had understood the things Hoseok said.

"And this person isn't me, Hyungwon. It was never and it will never be me. I will never feel the same for you as you did for me. I'm really sorry."

Hoseok attempted to stand up when suddenly some kind of energy shot through Hyungwon. He grabbed Hoseok's hands and held them tightly. His eyes were full of fear and despair. He forced Hoseok to kneel down again.

"Please, don't. Don't do that to me. Don't keep me at a distance. I can't... I must see you every day. It just doesn't work otherwise. My body... He needs your presence. I know it sounds crazy and it is but it's the truth. I _need_ you for me to be sane." 

Again, tears started running down his cheeks and his voice broke. The grip onto Hoseok's hands tightened even more, showing how desperate the younger truly was. He did loved Hoseok. It was obvious. 

"Hyungwon, I-" 

But the younger just shook his head to silence his teacher. And Hoseok stopped.   
Again, playing along with the younger's orders.

"I know it's risky. I know it can ruin my career and you can loose your job. But... I _do_ love you. From the bottom of my heart. And I know that you feel something too. Because _you_ kissed me first. And you wouldn't do that if you wouldn't have some kind of feelings for me. I'll promise to keep it a secret. Please, don't leave me. I need you. I love you..."

But even though Hyungwon's words moved him and also let the feelings he had for the boy come up again, Hoseok remained strong and shook his head. He tried to stand up again and this time Hyungwon let him. But after Hoseok's hands had left Hyungwon's, the younger collapsed mentally. Only one little word left his lips, but so low that Hoseok had to focus to understand it.

"Hoseok..."

And then Hyungwon jumped up and ran out of the office, leaving the door open. Hoseok followed him until the door, looking after the boy running down the long hallway.

"HYUNGWON!!" 

But the boy didn't respond. He didn't even reacted to his name and the last thing Hoseok saw was his jacket when he took the corner and flee from the school. Flee from Hoseok. From the embarrassment. From his feelings. From everything. 

Hoseok walked back to his desk and let himself fall into his seat. He sighed deeply and hid his face behind his hands. What had he done?


	9. [October] 9

> Hyungwon didn't go to school nor did he left his room for more than two weeks. He also hadn't a reason to go out. His mom has been transferred to the intensive care unit since her lungs collapsed every now and then. She now needs to carry a oxygen mask around. Hyungwon wasn't allowed to visit her at the moment because her immune system was so weak that everything could cause an illness. 
> 
> Since the conversation with Hoseok, he felt like every bit of energy that was left in his body was gone. He wasn't able to eat properly, to drink something or at all taking care of himself and the apartment. He hadn't the energy to leave his bed and go to school. His friends tried to contact him a few times but he never responded. Kihyun was extremly pushy in that case. The boy had called him at least two times a day. But even though they were worried about him they still thought it was because of his mother and never really asked about it.
> 
> But the missing energy wasn't the main reason why he skipped school. The main reason was, he was afraid. Afraid to meet Hoseok again. Afraid that he wouldn't be able to control himself or his feelings when he would walk past the older. 
> 
> Everytime he thought about him, tears started to run down his cheeks. He felt so stupid. He had opened up to Hoseok like he'd never done to anyone before. He even told him that he loved him. And yet he was turned down like that. 
> 
> He had hope when Hoseok hugged him. But directly after his hopes were again destroyed by Hoseok's words. And it had seemed as if the older didn't even cared about the feelings of the boy. Like he just wanted him to stop following him because he was annoyed. 
> 
> But why, for God's sake, had Hoseok kissed him then? The first kiss that he had started. Not Hyungwon. And then, when Hyungwon had kissed him, he also hadn't rejected him. If anything he had returned and even deepend the kiss as if he had wanted this for as long as Hyungwon. 
> 
> _That doesn't make any sense._
> 
> He let himself fall back into his pillows and sighed. Why can't those feelings just stop? He was sick of being hurt like this. Sick of being unable to do literally ANYTHING. He drifted off once again when his phone started buzzing. He turned to his nightstand and looked at the display. Kihyun. Again.
> 
> But different like the other times he this time answered the call. 
> 
> "Hey Ki..."
> 
> He could hear the older inhaling harshly when he heard Hyungwon's voice. 
> 
> "Hyungwon! Finally! What is wrong? We were so worried about you! Why didn't you answered our calls and messages? What happened?!" 
> 
> The worry in Kihyun's voice immediately caused a guilty feeling to raise in Hyungwon's heart. And again, tears started to run down his cheeks. He couldn't tell Kihyun the real reason why he had distanced himself from everyone. Even though he had said he would stand by his side and help him. But Hyungwon doubted that the older would really understand the feelings Hyungwon had for Hoseok and the pain he felt ever since he got rejected two weeks ago.
> 
> "I-I'm sorry, Kihyun..." 
> 
> He let out a soft sob which Kihyun of course noticed. His voice got softer and he tried to calm Hyungwon down through the phone.
> 
> "It's okay. I'm just glad that you finally answered my call. I have the feeling that something is wrong. And it doesn't have anything to with your mom's condition. Do you want to talk about it?" 
> 
> Hyungwon stayed quite but he rolled up into fetus position and wrapped his one arm around his knees, pressing them against his chest while crying silently. 
> 
> "Is it about... Mr. Lee?"
> 
> Even though it was just a simple question and Kihyun had asked extremly carefully, Hyungwon let out a loud sob and a little heartbreaking sound and Kihyun knew instantly that he was right.
> 
> "Oh Hyungwon..."
> 
> His voice was full of sadness and pity for the younger. He could only imagine in what pain the boy was right now. Since his sobs only giving hints of his current situation.
> 
> "I'm there in 10, okay? I'll bring the boys, too. We will get you back on your feet. Don't worry. You will forget that Mr. Hoseok Lee had ever existed in the first place, I promise!" 
> 
> Hyungwon let out a little sad chuckle by imagining the smaller acting like crazy to cure Hyungwon's lovesickness. He slowly sat up straight and wiped away the last tears.
> 
> "Alright... see you soon."
> 
> With that they ended the call and Hyungwon let his arm fall down, pressing his knees against his chest again, placing his head on top of his knees, sighing deeply. Would he really be able to forget Hoseok? 
> 
> Kihyun and the boys arrived a few minutes later and Hyungwin let them in after they'd knocked. And immediately after they'd had into the apartment, Kihyun wrapped his arms around the taller boy. Hyungwon was surprised at first but soon wrapped his arms around Kihyun as well.
> 
> "I'm okay. Don't worry."
> 
> But Kihyun looked him into the eyes and shock his head. 
> 
> "No. You're not. And we are here to distract you."
> 
> Hyungwon looked at him questioningly and sceptical. He suspected something and when he looked at Kihyun he knew he was right.
> 
> "What do you have in mind?"
> 
> The older turned around for a second before heading off to Hyungwon's room where he started to look through the boy's closet.
> 
> "We are going into a club tonight. Drinks, dancing, boys, girls. Everything that will make you forget about this asshole."
> 
> Hyungwon stepped up at Kihyun and closed his closet. 
> 
> "No. You know I can't stand alcohol that well and I'm definitely not in the mood to dance or to flirt with some random guy."
> 
> Kihyun looked at him, his hands placed at his waist, one eyebrow raised in disbelief.
> 
> "Are you kidding me? You really don't want to drown your pain in alcohol and huck up with some nice guy? This man hurted you! I don't know how but he did! And it's your fucking right to get some drinks tonight. And now, out of my way."
> 
> He pushed the tall boy aside and started looking through the clothes again. Hyungwon gave in and sat down onto his bed, watching the older picking clothes out for him.
> 
> "Here. Go and change. I won't take no for an answer. Go!"
> 
> Hyungwon took the clothes Kihyun had picked and disappeared into the bathroom. After he'd finished he looked at himself in the mirror. Kihyun had taste. The things he picked out for Hyungwon were perfect. They underlined every single good point about him and his body and covered all of his problematic areas.
> 
> When he stepped out of the the room, Kihyun had already picked out a jacket for him and threw it at him.
> 
> "Ready?"
> 
> He nodded and the six boys left the apartment. Not knowing that neither one of them would come back this night.
> 
> They arrived at the club about an half an hour later. The music was already hearable and they didn't hesitate to go into the building.
> 
> While the five boys looked for a table, Kihyun went to the bar to order some drinks. He came back with a tablet full of drinks which he handed out to the other boys. He dat down and took his own drink.
> 
> "To all the idiots we want to forget!" 
> 
> They downed their drinks and the first one was soon followed by countless other.
> 
> * * *
> 
> “guYS I LOVE y’ALL sO much”
> 
> Kihyun placed his arms around Jooheon's and Changkyun's shoulders and smiled brightly at both before smashing kisses at their cheeks. Then he started to laugh uncontrollably while the boys stood up, carefully pulling Kihyun out of his seat.
> 
> "We should take him home. In this condition he will never get back on his own." Joohwon nodded and the they two left.
> 
> Hyungwon didn't noticed that all since he had already passed out on the table about 30 minutes before. When he woke up and looked around, all of his friends had left already. He shook his head to clear his mind and then stood up from his seat. 
> 
> "Guys??" 
> 
> No one answered him and so he walked to the exit.
> 
> The fresh air hit him like a hammer and he stumbled into the direction of which he thought would lead him home. He tried to steady himself by moving hand over hand along the walls on his right side. Everything twirled and he soon lost every kind of orientation. 
> 
> He continued to stumble along the road when he suddenly walked into someone. Said someone had a big soft chest and Hyungwon immediately grinned and snuggled into it while stabbing with his finger into the fabric of the shirt the stranger was wearing.
> 
> "Mmmhhh.... sOfT..." 
> 
> He closed his eyes and leaned into the chest a little bit more when he heard a deep sigh from above his head. He raised his head and looked into the deep brown eyes of Hoseok. The older looked at him annoyed before holding him on arm's length. 
> 
> "Seriously?"
> 
> Hyungwon just grinned as he tried to steady himself. Not that it would've worked. He fell into Hoseok's arms again and the older let out a grunt mixed up with a deep sight before he lifted Hyungwon and threw him head down over his shoulders. 
> 
> Hyungwon, who barely realized what happened and in wich direction his head was hanging now just smiled brighter and started to pinch and hit Hoseoks ass.
> 
> "bOuNcY LiTTlE dRuM!"
> 
> "Stop... Hyungwon! Stop that! It's not a drum! It's my ass! STOP IT!" 
> 
> "I lOVe AsSeS!"
> 
> Hoseok sighted annoyed.
> 
> "Of course you do. Why shouldn't you. Would please stop that now?!"
> 
> But Hyungwon didn't stopped at all. In fact he just continued his doing with more enthusiasm and joy than ever. Hoseok just grunted and continued walking, trying to blend out what his student was doing.
> 
> A few minutes later they arrived in front of Hoseok's apartment house. He let Hyungwon carefully down and the boy looked around in surprise.
> 
> "Oh hEy! I rEmEmbEr tHiS PlaCe! I WaS hEre One NIgHt!"
> 
> Hoseok, who was looking for his keys stopped and looked at Hyungwon in surprise.
> 
> "Wait... WHAT? Are you stalking me?!" 
> 
> Hyungwon, who even though he was completely drunken, noticed the change in Hoseok's voice, tried to backtrack.
> 
> "nOOOO... I CouLd NeVEr!"
> 
> Hoseok raised an eyebrow at the boy and finally fished out the keys. He threw Hyungwon over his shoulder again and walked into the building and straight into the elevator leading to his floor.
> 
> He opened the door to his apartment and leaned Hyungwon against the shoe cabinet. 
> 
> "Can you... Hey! Hyungwon! FOCUS!"
> 
> The younger looked at him and really tried to focus on Hoseok and nodded.
> 
> "Okay. Try to stand still. Can you do that? I will take off your shoes but you must stand still. Alright?"
> 
> Hyungwon nodded again and steadied himself by holding onto the knobs of the cabinet while Hoseok took off his shoes before he also took off his own.
> 
> "Okay, we're done. Now co-"
> 
> He couldn't finish his sentence because Hyungwon smashed his lips against his. His tongue tried to inserting his mouth and his lips moved against Hoseok's. But even tho he would've wanted to continue this as long as possible, Hoseok was well aware of how drunken Hyungwon was. So he carefully broke the kiss.
> 
> "You're drunken. You're not yourself right now and I won't take advantage of this. You can sleep here tonight. I will take you to bed. Come on." 
> 
> He wrapped his arm around Hyungwon's petite waist and directed him towards the bedroom. He placed Hyungwon onto the sheets and started to undress the boy slowly. Hyungwon only focused on the older.
> 
> "I love you."
> 
> Hoseok didn't even looked at the boy. He continued to undress Hyungwon.
> 
> "You're drunk. You don't know what you're saying."
> 
> He felt Hyungwon's hands on his cheeks and finally raised his eyes to meet the boy's.
> 
> "I know what I'm saying. And I _do_ love you. Even though you never will."
> 
> A lonely tear rolled down his cheeks and he let his arms fall down. He let Hoseok undress him and then put on the shirt Hoseok had given him while the older went into the kitchen to get a glass of water.
> 
> When Hoseok came back he was already laying under the sheets. Hoseok put down the glass on the nightstand and tucked the boy in more. He wanted to get a bucket in case Hyungwon would throw up in the middle of the night. But a thin hand wrapped around his wrist and kept him from leaving.
> 
> "Don't go. Don't leave me alone."
> 
> His voice was extremly low and wouldn't it have been so quiet in the bedroom Hoseok wouldn't have understood a word of what Hyungwon had said.
> 
> The grip around his wrist got stronger and the boy raised his head to look at his teacher.
> 
> "Please."
> 
> Hoseok sighed and gave in. He nodded and took off his jeans and his shirt before crawling into the bed next to Hyungwon. He placed the blanket over both their bodies and Hyungwon immediately wrapped his arms around Hoseok's waist and hid his face in Hoseok's chest.
> 
> Slowly Hoseok also wrapped his arms around the boy and sighed again. Why must it been that complicated?   
>  He felt something warm and wet against his skin and now noticed that Hyungwon was shaking lightly. He was crying.
> 
> "You're mean. I hate you. But I love you. How is that even possible?"
> 
> He clenched his fist and hit Hoseok lightly before collapsing and passing out. Hoseok was in shock about his words and couldn't do other than pressing the younger more against his chest, caressing his back.
> 
> "I'm sorry... I'm really sorry for making you feel like that... I wish I could change it. I really do..."
> 
> And now Hoseok was crying. He softly placed a kiss on top of Hyungwons head.
> 
> "I love you, too. But we can never be together. And I wish we wouldn't have met under this circumstances. If we would've met to another time at another place I would never leave your side."
> 
> Carefully to not wake up the boy, he peeked his lips and inhaled the scent of the younger.
> 
> "I wish it wouldn't be like that..."


	10. [October] 10

The next morning Hyungwon was woken up by the sounds of someone talking. He sat up and looked around. The room he was in wasn't familiar to him at all. He let his gaze wander. It was a big room. The bed he was laying in stood centered against a wall which he recognized as the external wall of the building and he was looking against a huge wall unit. The wall to his left was full of windows. Hyungwon stood up and walked over to them, his naked feet making little tapping sounds on the wooden floor. The view was breathtaking and Hyungwon took his time to admire it. 

Under the windowsill where drawers and shelves filled with books. He kneeled down to look at the titles. There were many books he'd never heard off. But one book caught his attention. It was called _The Notebook_. He took it out of the shelf and started to read the first page.

"Did you found something that's interesting you?"

Hyungwon startled and almost let the book fall down. He turned around and looked at Hoseok, who was leaning against the door frame, a small smile on his beautiful lips. The older was wearing short black pants, a oversized black shirt and glasses. His hair was messy as if he just got out of bed. Hyungwon was so shocked that he couldn't do other then open and close his mouth over and over again like a fish. 

"Wha... Wha..."

Hoseok came over to him and grinned at him, softly holding his chin up a little bit. 

"What you're doing here? Well, you got extremely drunk yesterday and stumbled into me and I took you home. I couldn't leave you alone. Besides you probably wouldn't have let me go. Especially not my ass."

He laughed at the younger who's face turned red slowly because of embarrassment. 

"Oh god... I-I'm so sorry Mr. Lee... I can't remember anything of those things... Did I do anything stupid? I mean, besides... not letting go off your..." 

Hoseok shook his head and then pointed towards a chair.

"No, you haven't done anything. I just laid you into the bed and you immediately fell asleep. I slept on the couch. By the way there are your clothes. You took them off and I folded them this morning."

He didn't want to tell the boy that in fact he had undressed him, that Hyungwon had told him that he loved him and that he slept next to him. It was already embarrassing enough for the boy and Hoseok didn't want to make it worse. Now wasn't the time to talk about that. Maybe one day. 

The boy walked over to his clothes and then looked down on himself. He was still wearing Hoseok's shirt, which he had given him last night.

"Is this yours?"

Hoseok nodded. 

"Yes. I gave it to you last night before you went to bed. You can keep it if you want to. It's an old one."

Hyungwon nodded lightly and took off the shirt. He then took on his own clothes and raised his head. But Hoseok was already gone. Hyungwon sight lightly and for a short moment he pressed the shirt against his chest and inhaled Hoseok's scent even though it was slowly fading. He took a last look at the bedroom and then left it, joining Hoseok in the kitchen.

The older was standing at the stove with his back turned towards Hyungwon. When he heard the boy coming he turned around and looked at him, biting his lip. For a moment the two males stand in front of each other, each of them admiring the look of the other.

"Are you hungry? I'm about to make some pancakes. Or do you maybe want some coffee?"

Hyungwon took a seat at the table that was standing at the front side of the u-shaped kitchen, one knee pulled up. He wrapped his arms around the leg and placed his head onto his knee, still only admiring Hoseok.

"Just coffee for me, thanks."

And within seconds Hoseok placed a steaming cup with dark liquor in front of Hyungwon who thankfully wrapped his long fingers around it. Hoseok meanwhile had started to make breakfast. Hyungwon slowly took a sip from the hot coffee and studied the back of his teacher. Even though the shirt was oversized it was visible how the muscles under it played along with every move Hoseok made. 

"What are you starring at so intensively?

Hyungwon was caught off guard. He hadn't realised how long he had started at the older's back. Quickly he took another sip. Trying to hide his embarrassment.

"Nothing..."

Hoseok chuckled lightly and kept on going.

"You know, I can feel your look on me. I know that you're staring at my back and my muscles. And I also know what you're thinking."

The older turned around, crossed his arms in front of his chest and leaned against the countertop, looking at the younger. 

Hyungwon was red like a tomato and tried everything to avoid the look of the older.

Hoseok came around the counter and kneeled down in front of Hyungwon. The boy pulled the other leg up to create a little space between him and Hoseok. Flashbacks from the last time Hoseok had kneeled down in front of him, rushed through his head and he involuntarily began to shiver. Hoseok noticed that and his look turned worried. He carefully unwrapped Hyungwon's fingers from the mug and took them in his own hands.

"Hey, why are you shivering? Everything's fine. I'm here."

Hyungwon lowered his gaze and concentrated on his knees instead of looking into the older's face.

"Nothing is fine... The last time that you kneeled down you broke my heart. And you saying that you are here makes it even worse. I-I'm sorry... I think it's better if I leave. Thanks for everything."

He took his hands out of Hoseok's and walked to the hallway. Hoseok still sat in the kitchen and looked at the seat in which Hyungwon had sat a second ago. 

The boy had just put on his second shoe when he suddenly felt two strong arms wrapped around his torso. A face was pressed against his back. Hyungwon grew stiff and closed his eyes.

"I'm sorry... Please, don't leave. I didn't want to break your heart but we just-" 

Hyungwon turned around and by that broke the hug. He looked at his teacher. He could see that Hoseok really regretted hurting Hyungwon like that. But every regret in this world wouldn't have helped Hyungwon in this moment. His heart was broken a second time when he shook his head.

"And that's the problem. I know you have feelings for me. I don't know what kind of but there is something inside you that won't let me go. But as long as you won't admit it to yourself, you will keep on hurting me and I can't handle this. And nothing you will say or do can keep me from leaving."

With that he turned around and opened the door. He stepped into the hallway and closed the door behind him, leaning against it for a second. He sighted deeply and tried not to hear Hoseok's low sobs that reached his ear through the closed door. Was it stupid to go? He had what he wanted all along. Hoseok had begged him not to leave. He wanted to have him around. Why ever. And yet Hyungwon had decided to leave. 

_Am I stupid?_


	11. [November] 11

Nearly two weeks had passed since Hyungwon had left Hoseok's apartment. Two weeks without any kind of contact between the two males. Hyungwon ignored Hoseok. Or at least tried to ignore him but Hoseok had noticed a few times that Hyungwon's eyes had followed the older when he passed by the younger. But everytime Hoseok had turned around, the boy had looked in the opposite direction. They only had one subject together but even there Hyungwon had made it possible to ignore his teacher. When he came which wasn't often the case. 

At the start of the third week Hoseok walked into the teacher's room and suddenly he heard a familiar voice. He looked up and directly at Matthew's broad back. His bag slipped off his shoulder and he looked at the older in surprise.

"Matthew?!"

His friend turned around and a big smile appeared on his face. He walked over to Hoseok and hugged him tightly.

"Hey, big fella! How's it going?"

He stepped a little bit back and looked into Hoseok's face to see his expression.

"W-what are you doing here?"

Matthew grinned and threw his arm around Hoseok's shoulders.

"I transferred. I wanted to work with my best friend."

Hoseok nodded but his thoughts went crazy. He doubted that working with him was Matthew's only reason to transfer. 

He noticed a look on him and raised his head. Matthew looked at him questioningly. His brows furrowed.

"Is something wrong? Aren't you happy that I'm working with you now?"

Hoseok wriggled himself out by picking up his bag.

"No that's not it. Of course I'm happy to have you here. Come, I'll show you around."

He put his bag at his seat and then pulled Matthew with himself out of the room. Hoseok directed him into an empty class room and closed the door.

"What the hell are you doing here?!" 

Matthew looked at him questioningly. Not knowing why his friend was that mad at him in the first place.

"What do you mean? I already told you I transferred because I wanted to work with you."

Hoseok let out an angry snort and placed his hands at his hips while looking at Matthew.

"Sure. That's the only reason."

Matthew threw his hands up in the air now outraged on his own.

"Of course it is! What reason should I have to transfer other than this?"

Hoseok moved closer to him until he stood exactly in front of Matthew.

"Because you want to spy on me. And Hyungwon. You just want to convince yourself that there's nothing going on between the two of us. Am I right?"

The older came closer, starring Hoseok directly into the eyes.

"So there IS something going on between the two of you! I knew it!"

The way Matthew grinned at Hoseok showed the younger how blind he had just run into the older's trap. He was beyond dumbfounded and could only stare at his friend.

"You're so easy to read, Hoseok. What happened?"

Hoseok sighed and sat down at the the next table, telling his friend everything that had happened two weeks ago. When he ended the room was silent for a minute. Hoseok looked at Matthew with fear filling up his guts. Matthew sighed and hid his face in his palms.

"Oh boy... Have you told Hyungwon? I mean.. EVERYTHING? Or does he still believes that you slept on the couch?"

Hoseok shook his head and lowered his head. He knew to well that it wasn't right, what he had done but it was better for the boy if he doesn't knew what really had happened that night. And it was better for Hoseok, too. He still hoped that somehow this feelings would fade if he just kept staying away from Hyungwon.

"Okay... So, you do have feelings for him, you two shared one bed even if it was only for one night, he told you he loves you and you told him too, but only after he was asleep. You are afraid of your own feelings and that's why you're telling him lies over lies. No wonder that he's ignoring you. He's hurt and now he's distancing himself from the one who hurted him. You."

Matthew looked at Hoseok with sad yet soft eyes and a soft smile tugged onto his lips.

"Hoseok, you need to figure out your feelings for him. It's important. You can't just tell him lies and hope that your feelings will fade. Love doesn't work that way. Be honest to yourself and if you really like him, then go and tell him. You know his feelings. And if you don't want them to change, think it through. And I mean REALLY think about it. I can see how much you care for him. I know you. And even though I don't think that's a good idea, as long as you are happy, who am I to judge you? I will always stand behind you."

He ruffled through the black strands of the younger's hair and smiled at him.  
Hoseok stood up from his seat and hugged the older.

"Thank you for being my friend, Matthew..."

The older returned the hug and laughed while softly patting Hoseok's shoulders.

"It's okay Hoho. And now come, show me around."

When the two of them left the classroom, the bell had just rang and the hallway was immediately filled with students, chattering and laughter. Hoseok pointed towards the east end of the hallway and Matthew followed him.

The hallway emptied a little bit towards the end but Hoseok still needed to sidestep sometimes. While doing his manoeuvres he nearly walked into a boy who was just trying to avoid him. They bother froze on the spot and just started at each other.

"H-Hyungw..."

But the boy didn't let him finish his sentence. He took a step back, letting Hoseok see how hurt he really was. Hoseok reached out for him but Hyungwon was faster. He turned around and nearly ran down the hallway, the crowd swallowing him soon. Doing everything to avoid seeing or talking to his teacher any longer. Hoseok was left behind with his hand still outstretched and his heart tightened at first and then slowly breaking into tiny tiny pieces.

"Hyungwon..."


	12. [November] 12

"Go after him!"

Hoseok turned around and looked at Matthew questioningly. But the older just pushed him forward.

"Go! You two need to talk. Don't worry about me."

And with that he turned around and left Hoseok behind. He thought about Matthew's words for a while but then quickly followed Hyungwon.

It took him a while to find the boy and when he did he found him where he would've never expected to find him. Right in front of his office, sitting on the ground, the face hidden between his knees.

Hoseok stopped in front of him and kneeled down. Hyungwon didn't reacted even though he must've noticed Hoseok. Only when the older started talking to him he lifted his head. The sadness and the amount of hurt in his eyes hit Hoseok like a hammer. The boy had cried, it was obvious. Hoseok slowly stood up again and reached out his hand for Hyungwon.

"I think we need to talk, don't you think? Come on."

Extremely slowly and only after staring at the outstretched hand for a few minutes he took Hoseok's hand into his own and stood up. He followed the older into his office and Hoseok closed the door behind him.

While Hoseok sat down behind his desk, Hyungwon just stood there, still trying to avoid every eye contact with Hoseok.

"Please, sit down."

Hoseok pointed at the chairs in front of his desk and Hyungwon slowly sat down. He felt uncomfortable. Really uncomfortable. But at the same time didn't tried to run away again. Hoseok tried to see that as a positive sign. He carefully chose his words before talking to the insecure boy.

"Hyungwon... listen. I think I need to explain you something. About what happened at... that night. What really happened."

Hyungwon looked up, surprise and also curiosity in his eyes.

"What do you mean with really? Did you-did you lie to me?"

Now Hoseok was the one to look down. It took a few seconds before he answered.

"Kind of, yes."

Hyungwon stood up from his chair, every possible emotion visible on his face. From surprise, to anger and lastly disguise. Everything was there.

"WHAT have you done?! And how drunk was I that I don't remember ANYTHING?!"

His voice was getting louder and louder and he slammed his hands on the table and stared at Hoseok with anger and disguise in his eyes.

"What the hell did you do to me you... you FREAK?!"

The last word he screamed at Hoseok and the older moved a little bit backwards with his chair. He had never seen Hyungwon like this before.

"Hyungwon, please sit down. I will explain you everything, I promise. But please, calm down first."

To Hoseok's surprise his words worked and Hyungwon let himself fall back into his seat again.

"So?"

He raised an eyebrow at Hoseok, waiting for his explanation. Hoseok sighed and tried to sort his thoughts.

"Okay, first of all: I didn't do anything to you. I was on my way home from meeting with.... someone and you ran into me. Completely drunk. I couldn't ask you, where you life so I just took you home with me instead. You wouldn't have found your way back home. Never. And I couldn't left you behind."

He never turned his eyes away from Hyungwon during his talk and the boy was focused on his explanation. But he seemed a little bit calmer then before. Probably trying to remember that night.

"You threw me over your shoulder and I... I started to grab your ass, right?"

He blushed when Hoseok nodded but faster than expected controlled himself again.

"Okay, go on."

"Yeah, you started to grab my ass and even though I told you to stop, you continued. Probably because you wanted to annoy me. Whatever, when we arrived at my house, I helped you take off your shoes and then directed you to the bed room. I helped you undressing an-"

Hyungwon jumped out of his seat. Again furious.

"You told me you didn't do anything to me! Why did you help me undressing then?!"

Hoseok stood up as well and put his hands on both of Hyungwon's shoulders, softly pushing him down into his seat again.

"Sit.down. I told you I didn't do anything and that's the truth. I just wanted to prevent you from puking on your clothes! Nothing happened, okay?!"

Hyungwon calmed down and closed his eyes for a second.

"I'm sorry. I just... it's just a scary feeling when you can't remember anything at all."

Hoseok nodded and sat down again.

"I know. But I swear, I haven't done anything."

The boy nodded and Hoseok continued.

"You helped me a little with undressing you and then you told me, that you love me. I didn't took it for granted since you were extremely drunken. But then you took my face into your hands and you looked so serious when you told me again. Till today I don't know if you really ment it that way or if you were just too drunk."

Hoseok shook his head and smiled a little, while memories of that night came back. When he looked back at Hyungwon, the boy sat stiff as a statue in his seat.

"Hyungwon? Are you alright?"

Hyungwon looked at the older as if he'd just woken up from a dream.

"What? Yeah, sure. Sorry. Go on."

Hoseok leaned back again, his eyes still focused on the boy.

"Nothing much happened after that to be honest. I gave you one of my shirts and then went to get a bin in case you would throw up in the middle of the night. And when I wanted to go, you... you hold my hand and asked me if I could stay with you."

Hyungwon looked at him questioningly.

"I did. And when I layed next to you, you hugged me and suddenly began to cry. You told me you hate me. But you also told me you love me. Then you lightly started to hit me until you passed out. I-I didn't do anything after that. I needed to think about your words and then I fell asleep."

Hoseok stopped and looked at Hyungwon. The boy sat in his chair, completely lost in his own thoughts. Hoseok stood up and walked around the table. He kneeled down next to Hyungwon and took his hands into his own. The boy looked up and into the older's eyes.

"I would never do anything without asking you first. Never. I swear."

Hyungwon's eyes filled with tears and his voice broke a little.

"You'd never asked before you broke my heart..."

The older gulped and lowered his head. Hyungwon was right. Even though it never was his intention, he did it.

"I know. And I'm sorry. I mean it. From now on I'll try to never hurt you again."

He wrapped his arms around the thin boy and pressed him against his chest. After a few seconds he felt Hyungwon's arms around his body and a tiny smile appeared on his lips.

"I will protect you. I promise."

They stayed like that for a while until Hoseok finally broke the hug and softly cupped the boys face with his hands.

"Are you sure you want this? I will never be the perfect boyfriend or anything else. I'm complicated as fuck. There are so many things you don't know about me. Bad things. And-"

Hyungwon didn't let him finish his sentence and just pressed his lips against Hoseok's. The older closed his eyes and his body took over. He just enjoyed the feeling of Hyungwon's plump lips against his own and how good they tasted.

It felt like forever before both of them broke the kiss to catch their breathes. Hyungwon softly caressed Hoseok's cheeks with his thumbs and looked him straight into the eyes.

"I don't care about your past. I know we don't know each other for that long or that good but I love you the way you are. And whatever will come, we will face it together, okay? I know it's going to be difficult but we both saw what happened if we aren't together. So the answer is: Yes, I am sure."

A little tear rolled down Hoseok's cheek and Hyungwon softly kissed it away before hugging the buff one again, hiding his face in the corner of Hoseok's neck.

"I-I love you too, Hyungwon. And I promise to never hurt you again.


	13. [November] 13

During the next couple of days the two males started to get to know each other. Secretly of course but still. Hyungwon noticed so many little things about Hoseok he hadn't noticed before. And he loved every single detail about the older. The way Hoseok scrunched his nose when he laughed, the way his voice always climbed a few octaves when he was laughing hard, the sparkles in his deep brown eyes that always appeared when he looked at Hyungwon.

Everytime Hoseok looked at him, he felt a warm feeling in his stomach. And his mood also went up whenever the older crossed his visual field. He was just plain happy. Even the little things they shared like looks or little touches, unseen by others or just strolling by the each other, letting the other smell the other. Things Hyungwon never noticed before, now made him happy within seconds.

Now was Friday and Hyungwon was on his way out of the school. He was in a rush and so smoothly passed by the other kids. He left the school through the backdoor and stood on the parking lot for the teachers. He ignored the cars and just made his way through it when suddenly a black car stopped right in front of him. The driver leaned over to the passenger seat and smiled at him. It was Hoseok.

"Hop in! I'll take you home."

As much as he would've wanted to get into that car, Hyungwon couldn't. He shook his head and watched the big smile disappear from Hoseok's beautiful face.

"I'm sorry. I can't. I need to... visit someone."

" _Someone_?"

Hoseok's voice was questioning everything in Hyungwon's sentence. The boy just nodded and started walking again. But Hoseok didn't gave up and just let the car roll next to Hyungwon so that he still could talk to him.

"Then at least let me drive you their."

Hyungwon stopped and looked over to Hoseok.

"You won't give up, right?"

Hoseok grinned and nodded. The boy sighed and finally opened the door and let him self sink into the comfortable seat. Hoseok placed his hand on his knee and softly squeezed it.

"So, in which direction?"

Hyungwon pointed towards it and Hoseok started the engine again, following Hyungwon's informations. A little bit later they stood at the parking lot of the hospital in which Hyungwon's mom was laying. Hoseok turned off the car and looked over to the boy. Hyungwon was stiff as a statue. He faced the building with more fear on his face then Hoseok had ever seen on him. He softly placed a hand on Hyungwon's shoulder.

"Hey... are you ok?"

But his voice didn't reached the younger. He just opened his seat belt and got out of the car. Hoseok followed him, his worries increasing with every step they took towards the building. When they arrived at the front door, Hyungwon stopped and closed his eyes for a second, trying to build up courage to enter the hospital. Suddenly he felt a warm hand reaching out for him and entangled their fingers.

He looked up and into Hoseok's face. He had a little warm smile on his lips and Hyungwon gently squeezed his hand before taking a deep breath and entering the hospital. They walked through a big, bright entrance hall and stopped in front of the elevators on the facing wall. Hoseok waited till the elevator doors closed before he wrapped his arms around the boy.

"I'm by your side. Whatever it is you're so afraid of, I'm with you. I'll protect you."

Hyungwon looked up and cupped the older's face with his hands before softly placing his lips on Hoseok's.

"Thank you. But I don't think you can ever protect me from this..."

The doors opened again and the two stepped out into a typical hospital hallway. Nurses and doctors ran around, patients walked out of their rooms to get some distractions or to send their family off. Hyungwon stiffened again and just started walking towards the end of the hallway, where a big glass door led to another part of the section. Above the door was a big sign with only one word in it.

_**ICU** _

Hoseok needed a few moments to realise what he'd just read. What does Hyungwon want here? The boy waited in front of the door and looked back at Hoseok, who stood behind him. Hoseok nodded to reassure him that he was still their and when the door opened they walked in together. The nurse who had opened the door for them smiled brightly at Hyungwon.

"Oh Hyungwon, it's so good to see you. Your mom will be so happy that you're visiting her. Come!"

The nurse led them to a room at the end of the hallway and Hyungwon slowly opened the door. His mom was laying in the same bed as a few days ago. Still connected to the ventilator machine. Still unconscious. And still pale. He turned around to the nurse, who was now standing next to the countless machines, checking if everything was alright.

"Where their any improvements? Did she wake up at any time?"

The nurse just shook her head and placed a hand on Hyungwon's shoulder. Seeing this, Hoseok took a step forward so that he was standing right next to the boy.

"Sadly not. We still don't know what's wrong with her. And if we don't know it, we can't help her. We tried everything but nothing worked."

Hyungwin turned around to the bed and took the pale hand of his mother, softly stroking over the cold skin. The nurse left the room and left the two males behind. Hoseok placed his hands on Hyungwon's shoulders and softly pulled his back close to his chest.

"Is that the reason why you wouldn't want to get into the car earlier?"

Hyungwon nodded lightly, focused on his mom as if he would expect her to wake up anytime.

"Since when is she sick?"

Hyungwon sighed and let himself fall against Hoseok's chest a little.

"Since two months. It started with a simple cold but soon started to increase and she once almost fainted from a coughing attack. I took her to the hospital and since then she's here. A few weeks ago, they called me and told me that she would've been transferred to the ICU, since her condition was only getting worse. They really tried everything but at the end they had no other option then to connect her to the ventilator machine. Most if the time she's unconscious. Thank god. I don't want her to see what happens with her."

Hyungwon finally turned around and hugged the older. He held onto him as if he would've drown anytime soon and his thin body started to shiver. Hoseok softly wrapped his arms around him and stroked his hair, while whispering calming words into his ear. His eyes laid onto the unconscious pale woman on the bed, her chest moving up and down, following the rhythm of the machine that kept her alive.

* * *

None of them realised how long they actually sat in that room with all the machines but after some time, the door opened and the doctor came in. Hyungwon, who hadn't said a word in forever, jumped out of his seat and started to questioning the doctor.

"Oh doctor. I'm glad you're here. What is with my mother? Will she get better soon?"

The man in the white coat checked the machines and then turned around to the tall boy. His facial expressions said everything but Hyungwon didn't noticed. Hoseok did and walked up to him, always ready to catch Hyungwon.

"I'm really sorry Hyungwon. We don't know what's wrong with your mom and actually we don't have anything left we could try out. I don't know how long we can keep her alive. It's up to her. I'm truly sorry."

The doctor looked at Hoseok, who now placed his hands on the younger's shoulders.

"Are you his guardian?"

Hoseok nodded.

"Kind off, yes. I'm Mr. Lee."

The shook hands before the doctor started to talk again.

"Good, so I think it's about time to think about turning off the machines. We dont know the cause for her illness and it would only be torture to keep her alive longer than necessary. Please, take your time thinking about it. I know it's not an easy decision but we need to make it. I'll leave you alone now. And again, I'm really truly sorry, Hyungwon. I wished we could've helped your mother."

He softly patted Hyungwon's shoulder and gave him a sad smile before he left the room. Hyungwon just stood there and stared into the room. Hoseok carefully wrapped his arms around him and pressed him against his chest. And then suddenly the boy began to shiver and slowly started to realise what the doctor had just said. He broke down in Hoseok's arms and started crying like he'd never had before. And Hoseok couldn't do anything but holding him. Enough for the boy, too little for him.

Hours passed by until Hyungwon slowly calmed down. He was now sitting on Hoseok's lap, still clinching on his shirt. The older still had his arms wrapped around him, giving him the security he needed now more than ever.

"See? That's why I didn't want to tell you about this. You already have enough problems on your own. I don't want to be another problem for you."

Hoseok's eyes widened in surprise.

"Are you crazy? How could you ever think that you're a problem for me? I love you and I will try to help you in every possible way. But most importantly, I won't leave you alone. Never."

He wiped away a tear that rolled down Hyungwon's cheek and slowly leaned closer to him until their lips touched. It was a soft kiss. A gentle promise that he would never leave his side. Hyungwon closed his eyes and allowed Hoseok's tounge to enter his mouth. He deepened the kiss and really tasted Hoseok for the first time.

"I love you, Hoseok. But I'm still sorry for putting you through this. I really appreciate that you want to stay by my side and I don't know what I have done to deserve this."

Hoseok smiled at the boy and softly cupped his face.

"Don't question it. Just believe it. I'm all yours, baby."


	14. [November] 14

A few hours later the two sat in Hoseok's again but still standing on the parking lot of the hospital. Hyungwon just stared out of the window, saying nothing at all.

"What are you going to do?"

Hoseok's voice brought him back to reality and he turned his head towards him. Anger started to grow in his stomach. What kind of question was that?

"What I'm going to do?? I don't know, Hoseok. What would you do if that would be your mother? Tell me!!"

His voice became louder and louder. Hoseok opened his mouth but immediately closed it again.

"I'm sorry. It was a stupid question."

Hyungwon turned around again and looked out of the window, guilt growing in his stomach. He didn't wanted to hurt Hoseok. But he did. He stared out of the windows, suddenly seeing something white falling down from the sky. It got quite cold during the last weeks and now it lightly started to snow. For a few minutes nobody said anything.

"Do you have somewhere to go?"

Hyungwon turned to him, his eyebrows furrowed questioningly.

"What do you mean? Of course I have somewhere to go. We still have our apartment."

Hoseok's eyes widened in surprise.

"Hyungwon, you can't live alone in there!"

"Why not? It worked for the past two months. Why shouldn't it work now, too? I'm not a kid, Hoseok. I can take care of myself."

But Hoseok shook his head and took Hyungwon's hand into his own.

"No way. You will come with me. My apartment is big enough. We will get some of your things and you will stay with me. No matter how long. I love you and I promised you that I will take care of you and stay by your side."

Now Hyungwon was the one who was surprised. He would've never expected Hoseok to say that.

"Thanks, Hoseok but I can't do this. We're together for just a few days... it's way too early, believe me."

"Would you stop? You're staying with me. No more discussions. Tell me your address."

He turned to the navigator and waited for Hyungwon to tell him the address. But Hyungwon stayed silent.

"No. Please, just drive me home. I burdened you enough today. That's my problem and I need to deal with it myself. Please. Take me home. That's all I will ask you for."

He looked at Hoseok and tried his best to hold back his tears. Hoseok looked at him for a long time. Eventually he gave in and nodded.

"Alright. But if anything happens or if you need anything, call me. I will pick you up or bring you what you need."

Hyungwon leaned closer to him and kissed him softly. His hands cupped Hoseok's face and he leaned his forehead against the older's.

"Thank you..."

* * *

After about 40 minutes, the arrived at Hyungwon's apartment. Hoseok parked the car and looked over to Hyungwon, who got irritated.

"Why are you turning off the engine?"

Hoseok smiled softly at him and made Hyungwon's heart fluttering.

"I know, you told me that you wouldn't come with me but you said nothing about me staying with you in your apartment. So, I will stay with you and take care of you."

Hyungwon sighed. He knew when he had lost. And right now, nothing on this planet would've changed Hoseok's mind. He gave in and got out of the car, walking to the front door, while Hoseok locked the car and followed him.

Hyungwon opened the apartment door and stepped back to let Hoseok in first. The older walked in and took of his shoes in the hallway. Hyungwon did the same and then turned on the lights.

The living room and the kitchen were definitely not tidy, since Hyungwon didn't really care about cleaning that much. He heard Hoseok sighed lightly but didn't responded. He was too tired and just threw himself on the couch.   
He felt Hoseok looking at him and sat up on his elbows, facing the older.

"What? I know it's not tidy at all. I'm not a cleaning freak, you know."

He let himself fall back and closed his eyes, letting out a deep sighed. Not long after he felt Hoseok next to him. He turned around with closed eyes and carefully wrapped his arms around Hoseok's well built body, burying his face in the corner of his neck. The older also wrapped his arms around him and started to softly caressing his back.

At some point Hyungwon fell asleep, just by the comfortable and safe feeling he had in Hoseok's arms. But it wasn't a deep and relaxing sleep. His dreams were weird as always and they all revolved around his mother and Hoseok. He was extremely afraid and eventually woke up with a loud scream.

He needed a few minutes to realize where he was. His body was covered with sweat and he was sitting up straight in his bed. Hoseok must've carried him in there sometime. He himself wasn't laying next to the boy and so Hyungwon stood up and searched for him, carving his tight hugs and the sweet words Hoseok always whispered to him.

He found him in the living room, peacefully asleep on the couch, his upper body bare,the rest of it covered with a thick sheet. Even in this darkness he looked stunning and Hyungwon stopped for a moment to admire him.Then he walked over to the man and softly touched his shoulder in order to wake him up as softly as possible.

"Hoseok..."

The older grunted and furrowed his brows but didn't woke up.

"Hoseok, please, wake up."

Still no response from the older besides that he had started to snore lightly, his lips parted.

"Hoseok, I need you..."

Even though he hadn't raised his voice, suddenly Hoseok opened his eyes, fear burning in them. He sat up straight and looked at the boy, still half asleep but able to recognize him.

"W-what is wrong? Are you hurt?"

Hyungwon heard that he tried to keep the panic in his voice down as much as possible, but it didn't worked that well.

"No, I'm not hurt. I... I just had a bad dream. Would you sleep next to me? I-I need you..."

A soft smile appeared on Hoseok's lips and he relaxed. Then he stoop up and hugged the boy tight.

"Of course I will. Come, let's go back to sleep. I won't leave your alone."

The two crawled back into Hyungwon's bed and after Hoseok had placed the sheet over them, Hyungwon slid closer to Hoseok, placing his arms around the older's upper body, inhaling his scent.

Hoseok did the same and kissed Hyungwon's head softly.

"Everything is fine, baby. I'm here. Don't worry. I will take care of you. I'll protect you."

But Hyungwon was already asleep and with a grin on his face, Hoseok also drifted up to sleep.


End file.
